DEEP TECH BURNER – Fresh Out The Box head honcho Mister Ed Steele nonchalantly summons a hypnotic bass monster from the depths of his studio cache. Who knows what other happy accidents lay in the realms of his computer hard drives ? I reckon there’s a least one gay disco track, three breaks remixes and an uncompromising photo of him chewing his own face.
BUMPING TECHNO – Adam Beyer is forever being referred to as “The Tall Man Of Techno” . Alright he’s tall but some people are kind of sensitive about their height, who’s to say Mr Beyer doesn’t go home after a gig and, curl up into and enormous ball sob uncontrollably into his massive trousers.
The music press don’t around calling Danny Tenaglia “The Bald Man of House”
Neither do they call Lisa Lashes “The Underwired Harridan Of Trance”.
Or Dave Pearce “Baseball Capped Pensioner Of All Things Derelict and Awful”
But they fucking should. Here’s some techno.
Exit Festival 2011 continues it’s trajectory towards greatness with the addition of Gesaffelstein to their already ridiculous lineup. His variations EP has been caned by the big cheeses of global techno from Garnier to Alkan and more to the point his tunes have found his way into MY record collection which is all that matters really.
Get your arse to Exit and rave your pants off in a medieval fort to his crisp, steel plated techno. Wear a hat, it’s going to be sunny.
Clicky here for your chance to win tickets to Exit Festival.
This is going to drive you utterly spastic. If you can make it to the end of the song without disembowelling yourself it’ll be a fucking miracle. Free download through the soundcloud link should you be that way inclined.
SLICK TECHNO BLEND – aaaah..DJ’ing can be the most hilarious job in the world. Last night I had the good fortune of playing at a packed gallery show after party complete with art fags, hipster twats and loads of free booze. An East London harridan howled at me for
“playing old music, are you like 60 or something?! Play some Justice”
I had her thrown out for knocking the decks.
Another barked at me:”Play MGMT, everyone will go mental, look let me do it”
I accidentally spilt my Jack and coke down her back.
But between dodging the usual occupational hazards of a 6 hour DJ set the night ended up with people dancing on tables and me with lipstick all over my chops.Bonus.
Check this techno mix. It really is the bollocks. No idea who this guy is,just stumbled across this in the Soundcloud techno group. Proper, rollng, deep techno. Stoked
GALVANIC TECH TRIP 3 days without a blog post is the longest I’ve gone in over a year. Maybe I’m getting slack. Or perhaps it’s just that the sun finally decided to put it’s bloody hat on so I’ve largely been arsing about on boats on the river and building a mechanised army of robots to do my evil bidding. I’ll update you on that project as soon as I get my thumb out of my bum
Tech trip from Bookashade for download, ta very much.
GREASY TECH CLASSIC Well Loudat is a bit tardy to the pardy with this one but quite frankly I aint give a fuck. I heard this in an East London disco that is apparently “Gay Friendly” which actually is just another way of saying “Gay As A Maypole”. It was a jolly good night out and rather flattering to be free offered blowjobs all evening. If you want to get sucked off by a load of blokes that look like Dexys Midnight Runners I know a great place. Cheeky download through the beemp3 link.
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ROLLING DUB TECHNO -There’s a good reason why the Linux Operating System is the preserve of the socially inept computer geek – it’s because it’s a massive fucking pain in the arse and you need to have loads of free time (ie. no mates) to get it running proper. To really make Linux work You need to be sporting socks with sandals, have a huge bunch of decorative keys which unlock NOTHING and absolutely no friends.
Precious days compiling kernels have been wasted which I could have better spent dredging the web for music or furiously masturbating to animated tentacle porn.
However while my massive head has been buried inside the terminal window I have been enjoying the world of techno.
The blog whores worst nightmare, NOBODY listens to techno…..
TECHNO/GARAGE COVERS – The Dirtbombs gracefully rerender the italo classic ShareVari by a ANumbeOfNames into a pranging garage rock sleaze off.Superb stuff. It recalls to mind the commendable efforts of the Williams Fairey Brass Band from England who did brass band covers of Acid House tracks - the novelty of which wore off pretty fucking quick.
EPIC TECH FREEBIES- Hooray for violence and dissent! Under usual circumstances the British are too polite to complain about stuff . Whether it be someone jumping a queue, stealing your car or fucking your wife in the mouth, for the English complaining really just isn’t cricket. (Australians would disagree with this but christ – have you been there?)
As a nation we’re all to keen to drop our trousers and assume a stiff-upper lip as the government grabs us from behind and forces a cold length of hard luck up our collective arseholes. Last night however shit kicked off in London town as the capital hosted displays of violent protest and dissent not seen since the poll-tax riots.
Students moaning about the skyrocketing price of Pot Poodles and Carling lager decided enough was enough and went merrily on the rampage smashing seven shades of shit out Parliament Square and give The Pigs a proper good going over. It’s long been established that protest wether peaceful or violent achieves absolutely fuck all. No amount of dreary candlelit vigils or car burning carnage is going to sway political opinion and alter the outcome of an MPs vote. They decide weeks or months in advance on most subjects, that display of musty harrumphing in the House Of Lords is just a posh boozing club for incontinent old boys who used to play Soggy Biscuits at Eton.
Protest whether violent, peaceful or otherwise is politically fruitless.
However – getting angry and smashing the absolute fuckery out of the Police and Government buildings is immensely enjoyable and fills me with pride for our nation. Watching footage of coppers flailing the public indiscriminately encourages people to question authority. While agents of the government unquestioningly follow orders and smash skulls to keep the people down you have to wonder why we merrily accept the status quo.
Funnily enough if just a fraction of those people in Parliament Square took the time and effort to join the Labour group and lobby from within the political sphere they could effect massive change and swiftly alter the path of history more so than any amount of protest.
Will anyone bother?
Will they fuck. Smash shit up, it’s loads more fun.
Booka Shade – Mandarin Girl (reworked)
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