DIABOLICAL CUNT REMIXES CHRIS BROWN - It’s very easy to make a computer produce a really nasty sound. In fact, left alone long enough the crunching, grinding noise of a worn cooling fan or buggered disk drive will eventually generate a sound pallet to rival that of most dubstep producers.
It’s in a similar vein with writing. It’s really quite difficult to pen anything pleasent about music that is remotely entertaining. Venting the spleen is far easier and ,more often than not, much more amusing.
And so , adopting the model of the swarms of fuckwitted, self absorbed producers out there I am taking the easy path to writing a regular music feature.
I’m just going to slag it the fuck off.
I shall trawl trough my swollen spam folder picking out promotional tracks and material that I have been slung and I shall tell them how it is. I have an opinion and if you don’t like it I have others that you won’t enjoy either.
If you’re going to send me musically offensive bollocks be prepared for me to shit in your cunt.
Welcome to the oh No Promo
What better way to kick off a vitriolic music feature than focusing on New York’s despicable gutter-snipe Ah Yeahh!.
Shat into my inbox devoid of irony the email is mercifully brief:
“Here’s one of our latest remixes, hope you enjoy & thanks for your support! – MUSIC IS LIFE”
And wouldn’t know it – it’s an electro house remix of Chris fucking Brown.
A talentless, autotuned mysogynist who exists only to pry cash from the pockets of pre-pubscent teenage girls.
And for reasons beyond imagining it’s this repugnant celebrity that Ah Yeahh! chooses to remix because apparently – MUSIC IS LIFE.
You don;t even have to cast your ears over this pricks music to know what’s coming…massive snare build up -CHECK generic arpeggiated stadium syth -CHECK – vocodered pop-cunt nonsense CHECK.
In fact take a look at Ah Yeahh!’s soundcloud. It reads like an abysmal list of crimes against humanity.
He’s chosen to remix Nicki Minaj, Enrique Iglesias, LMFAO, Childish Gambino. Each remix as anodyne and thuddingly shit as the last…what kind of LIFE does this dunce lead to think that this constitutes MUSIC? This is his ART?
Utterly unimaginative Justin-Bastard-Beiber remixes it what enriches this guys existence?
Ah Yeahh! – which ever machine you’re using to churn out this shite – switch it the fuck off.
If MUSIC IS LIFE Do the world a favour and end yours immediately